Chapter Five: Confessions

One day around 9 in the morning, I was feeling lonely and decided to look through my phone list and call someone to come over to visit. I hoped that at least one of my friends or maybe my mom or sister would like to come over and visit me.

I looked through my phone and at my text messages, trying to remember who I had talked to recently, but the list was short, Mom, Sis, Natasha, Dad, Brother...

It was kinda pathetic how lousy my connection with people in my life was. I wanted more friends, but I was too shy to approach people in public and I tended to stay away from the limelight. I wanted to fit in so bad that I ended up further back than before. Overall, I guess, I just got over it, however, secretly hoped to make a friend at some point.

I called Natasha, my old high school friend, hoping that she would like to come over or maybe go out for lunch and catch up. We kept in contact every so often, but it wasn't as often as I had liked. When I called her, it went straight to voicemail...

I called my mom next and the phone began to ring. I got really excited that it actually was ringing this time.

"Hello?" my mom said.

"Hey mom, it's Veronica. I was wondering if you'd like to come over for a visit!" I said excitedly.

"Oh hey, sure darling, I'll come over at 11, okay?" she replied.

"SURE! I will be here! See ya then!" I said with a smile.

"Bye, see you then. Love you," she said with happiness in her voice.

"Love you too mom!" I replied.

As I waited for my mom to come by, I decided I should get some breakfast.

I was feeling mildly queasy from time to time, so I tried to keep my diet to just low calorie foods and light filling soups. I thought I must have had a slight flu bug or maybe a virus or something. I didn't really think much of it at the time.

By the time I had finished sitting down for a meal and cleaning up, I heard a knock at the door. It had to be mom!

Lo and behold, it was my mom! I was thrilled that she actually came over! It had been months since I saw her. She had been so busy with her new job as an artist for the local magazine that she hasn't had much free time, but I was able to catch her on her day off!

"Veronica! I missed you so much! I'm glad I was able to come over today!" she said as she hugged me tightly.

"Mom I have missed you too! So much has happened lately... I really need to talk to you though," I said anxiously. The mood of the happy reunion changed suddenly. I didn't want it to turn out this way so quickly, but I really needed to talk to my mom about what had happened.

"What's wrong, Erin?" my mom sighed as she stared deeply into my eyes with concern.

"I got robbed not long ago, I guess about two months ago. I'm fine, but they never did find the man who did it," I replied.

My mom's face went from concerned to sad within moments of what I said. She was scared for me, I could see it in her eyes. 

"Are you okay? Like he didn't do something else, did he? Please tell me if he did," she begged me to tell her.

"Mom, don't worry... I'm fine! I promise!" I lied.

"I swear, if something like that happens again, you will be the first to know, I was scared before and didn't want to upset you. I mean it did happen right after I moved in. BUT it hasn't happened since and nothing is going to happen to me," I comforted my mom.

"Hunny, if you EVER need anything you can tell me! Remember that okay?" she said to me with her deep orange-red eyes.

"I know mom, I will," I said as I tried to reassure her I was fine.

"Now, is there anything else you need to tell me? I know you are hiding something. I am your mother, you know!" she said.

"Um, there might be, but I don't know," I hesitated.

"Honey, you can tell me anything! I know we haven't really been close since you graduated high school, but you are a young lady and you are still my baby girl! I am here for you whenever and whatever the circumstances be! Okay?" she said as she tried to reassure me.

"I love you, Veronica! You know, I was just like you at your age! I wanted to marry Pay and get away from my mom right after I graduated high school. I didn't think for a second. I also left my younger sisters and brother at home with my mom and moved away. So I do understand how you are feeling about all this. But I know there is something much deeper going on with you and I'm here to listen," she stated.

"Well, I like this guy, but he can't be with me right now and then there was this other guy before who was just there for a short time and he hurt me badly," I said with as straight a face as I could make. I knew I was lying to my mom, but I couldn't tell her I was taken advantage by that robber. It hurt too much to talk about.

My mom grew more concerned as I talked about my problems to her. She tried to keep a straight face, but her face was dripping with emotion. I could feel her wanting to comfort me and protect me. She just wanted her little girl to never have to see that pain again, however, she knew I had to face this myself as a grown woman.

"Oh darling, I am so sorry! You have had it so rough with guys right off the bat! But, don't worry, I am sure that the guy who hurt you will learn to regret his mistake and the one who can't be with you right now, I hope he sees how wonderful you are!" she said as she put her hand on my shoulder.

"Mom, is it weird for a guy to keep his distance and to say he will tell me all about himself when it's the right time?" I asked.

"No way, it's not weird. In fact, that's normal. I know I brought your father to life from a doll, but he is just as much a man as any other. Actually, he had thoughts many times of not being my girlfriend and being my friend instead, but I wanted to badly to marry him. I didn't want to deal with having a dating relationship or having other boyfriends. I guess you could say it was the easy way out. Me and your father get along just fine and we love each other, but we could be closer...," she explained.

"Do you think you and dad will stay together forever?" I asked.

"It's most likely, but sometimes I wish we had spent more time together as a couple, before we had kids, before we got a house. But after your grandfather died, everything changed. Mom wasn't the same and we had to grow up pretty fast. Your dad is my true love and we are going to stay by each other's side one way or another," she said.

"Just promise me one thing," my mom said with a frown.

"What is it mom?" I asked with a concerned face.

"If you find that one you know is for you, stay with him, take it slow, don't let the relationship turn into a stale, but comfortable life. I don't wanta see you suffer or regret anything. I know it might happen, but at least you'd be in a better position that way," she replied.

"I promise mom, I will build a relationship the way it feels right, but the right way," I smiled.

"Oh great!" she said with excitement.

Suddenly I began to feel sick. My stomach started to churn and ache. 

"Mom, I feel sick again. I don't know why I keep having nausea and stomach aches. Do you know?" I asked as I held my stomach.

"You are probably pregnant Veronica," my mom said anxiously.

Chapter Four: Attractions

One morning I woke up early and decided to go for a walk, however, as I stepped outside my door, I heard snoring. I thought it must be an animal or something sleeping near the side of the house, so I decided to approach the noise.

As I walked closer to the noise, I saw a shoe sticking out from behind the column next to the house. I recognized the shoe and realized it had to be Marty!

My heart began to flutter as I thought about him and how I wanted to talk to him again. I hoped that he would talk to me and spend time with me today.

I decided to walk up to him and see if he was waiting for me.

I had to be quiet, so I crept around the column as I was afraid to startle him when he was sleeping.

He was sleeping leaned against the stone foundation of the column. I figured he had waited all night for me and ended up falling asleep right there beside the house. Poor fella was always having to sleep outside. I didn't understand why, but maybe someday he would explain why.

I was afraid to wake him up because he might have thought I was a strange person for staring at him while he was asleep. I guess I was just too nervous to do anything, so I just sat by him and stared for a few minutes.

As I sat there staring at him, my desires for him grew stronger with every second.

I couldn't help myself and felt the need to wake him up with a kiss. It was beyond me, but I couldn't stop thinking about him.

He suddenly woke up and we both moved away from each other. He freaked out and tried to scoot away from me, but he ended up leaning against the stone foundation instead.

"Uh, uh, I'm sorry," I stuttered, "I didn't mean to scare you."

Marty stared at me for a moment and said, "No, you just startled me. I'm fine. But I must ask, why were you staring at me so closely?"

"Uh, um," I started to say as I became embarrassed and began to blush, "Uh."

"Never mind, I think I understand. You don't have to answer that," Marty interrupted.

We stared at each other, awkwardly, before he straightened his back up against the stone and looked at me in the eyes. He grabbed my shoulder and whispered, "I do too."

He pulled me closer to him and our lips met as he held me in his arms. As he and I shared our first kiss, I felt his left hand on my shoulder becoming warm. The sensation began to spread to my right shoulder the longer we kissed. I tried to ignore the warmth on my back, but as soon as we finished kissing, I had to ask.

"Marty, what is wrong with your hand?" I asked as I stared into his eyes.

"Oh you mean the left hand... I'm sorry, did it bother you?" he asked me.

"No, no, I was just curious," I muttered.

We both stood up and he smiled at me. He held my hand and said, "You are beautiful. Some day soon I will tell you more, I know you are curious about who I am. Don't worry, I want to be with you too. Just you wait, it will be worth the wait."

Chapter Three: How I Met Marty

It was an early morning for me a few weeks after what had happened to me. I wasn't feeling quite myself, but I figured if I started to take walks in the morning or at least exercise, I could feel better about how I felt.

I threw on my favorite running shoes and a pair of shorts with my cutest tank top. I ate a quick protein bar from the cupboard and had a glass of water before I headed outside for a quick brisk walk.

I headed out the back door and stopped for a moment as I breathed in the fresh air. The light breeze blew against my skin and gave me a bit of a chill. My skin turned into goosebumps as I rubbed my hands along my arms trying to keep warm. It was late summer and autumn was almost on its way. This time of year was always my favorite as it was always bright and sunny in the morning and the wind was always refreshing when it became extremely hot in the late afternoon.

I was walking toward the front yard near the carport when I noticed a long shadow coming from behind the pine tree. I began to approach the tree, but stopped in my tracks when I decided to wait and see who was there. I waited for a few minutes before trying to convince the person to come out of hiding.

"Who is there?" I asked, "Will you please come out from behind the tree?"

A period of a few minutes passed as I waited for a reply.


"I am nothing but a homeless man. No one important...," a deep male voice said from behind the tree.

I approached the tree and a short, young man with white highlighted dark blue hair turned around and looked me straight in the eyes. It took me a moment to realize that it was the man I had seen before in the window who stared at me that night. Most people would have been mad that a man would stare at a woman in the nude, but how could I be mad at him when he seemed so lost and helpless. However, I felt lost in his presence. I could not explain this feeling. It was as if I had been around someone like him before, maybe in the past, a past that was not mine?

"Hey, I saw you staring through my window one night almost a month ago, but why were you there, and why are you here now? Who are you?" I asked the man.

He stared at me for a few seconds before he replied, "I am Marty. I am no one important. Just another homeless guy wandering around. I'm sorry if I upset you before... I had heard a scream from a far and ran over here to see what was going on. When I saw you with that man, I thought he was just a man you were with and nothing serious. But when I saw he was a robber, I was too much of a coward to save you. I am a failure, a meaningless failure."

"But, no. No you are not. Why would you say that?" I shuddered.

"I'm sorry, I should go. I don't belong here anyway," he mumbled.

"No, no don't go!" I frowned.

"Okay, I won't go, but why do you want me here?" he asked me with a smile.

"I have no one around and I am lonely. I would feel better if you stayed around, especially after what had happened to me," I replied with an awkward smile.

"If that's what you want, I will stay around, but I will not live in your house. That's just how I am. Is that okay with you?" he politely asked.

"Yes, but I insist that you at least let me feed you. I know you don't have any food for yourself and I won't have you go hungry!" I insisted.

"Okay, but for now, I have to go. I have some things to do. I shall be back soon," he replied as he turned and waved good-bye.

As he began to jog away, I felt a sudden flutter in my chest and my heart began to race.

I wasn't sure what that feeling was. I felt strange...

But then out of no where, I felt the urge to throw up...

I held my breath and held one hand over my mouth and one over my aching stomach. I didn't know at the time something was going on inside my body. My head began to throb and I felt dizzy...

Suddenly the feeling passed and as I held my head high, I thought to myself...

"I must stay strong. If I don't, I won't ever get over my fears... I can't stay fearful forever... and what is up with me? Is something going on? But what...?"

Chapter Two, Part Two: Scarred For Life

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This whole moment was a mistake, all my fault, I should have never rushed into a lifestyle without thinking over everything that could go right and go wrong. I regret having moved out of my home and moved into a house all alone. I felt like my decisions were irrational and irresponsible. I should have thought through my decisions more and at least offered my sister to stay with me as a roommate! Why did I get myself into this?

 I was clonked on the head and fell unconscious, that's what I remembered before now. As I open my eyes, a set of hazel eyes were staring right into mine. A strong hand holds my hands above my head and force me against the soft mattress. I couldn't budge and I could feel his cool skin sweating against my bare body as he breathes into my face with a deep heavy sigh. I kept my eyes on his face as I try to figure out what he was intending to do. He was holding himself above me while he leaned closer to me. I felt a sharp jab stab me in my lower half and he slid toward me. I began to cry as he began move faster and leaned harder against my stomach. I prayed that he would stop and see what he was doing to me and how horrible it was, but that was just wishful thinking. He never took a moment to even breathe; I just had to lay there and take it...

 He changed positions and pinned both my hands down with his fists. He was unusually gentle for someone of his type, creeps who take advantage of women, also know as rapists...

I couldn't believe that I was being raped. I tried to deny that fact, but it was useless. I felt like a piece of furniture, something that didn't have feelings and you could do whatever and it wouldn't matter. Tears streamed down my cheeks as he continued his business. All I could do was think about how empty he was making me feel. He never said a single word to me since he told me to shut up and that I was his. 

Why was I his? I didn't even know him!

Why hadn't anyone come to save me yet?

Where was my knight in shining armor or rescue team?

Usually at this point, people would have come with the police and an ambulance to save me! This guy would have gone into police custody and been put into prison! Why couldn't my life be like those television shows? 

 As he finished with me, he took one more lunge forward and pulled himself off of me. He looked into my face and licked my cheek where the tears had fallen, then he whispered, "You taste so good, I am done here, but I might come back someday soon, just wait! I ain't done with you, dear."

He climbed off of me and grabbed his clothing. He yelled at me to get off the bed and he shoved me against the wall. I began to sob as he pushed me to the ground. I covered my head and crouched naked against the bare cold wall. I heard the man put the couch back together and the sliding glass door open. I stayed frozen in the corner of the room and waited until I heard his footsteps disappear. I did not dare move from that spot until the room was completely silent.

 Eventually when the room was empty and no one was around, I uncovered my head and remained crouched in the corner on the floor, sobbing. I couldn't believe what had just happened. My head throbbed in pain and I couldn't get my tears to stop running down my face, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like I had lost everything in just a short time. I didn't know what to do.

 Suddenly I heard a noise outside the window and as I turned my head to see, another man appeared to staring directly at me. My body stiffened with fear and I couldn't move.

 He stared at me for a long while before he looked around and frowned. I thought he was another burglar, but after he just kept staring, I noticed he was dressed in dirt covered clothing, maybe a homeless man. I just assumed he had heard my screams from before and must have wandered over here. I didn't know what to do and just sat there. I wished that he was here before I got raped and that he could have saved me.

 His gaze was filled with compassion and sadness. I couldn't figure out why he looked at me this way nor why he was still standing there... 

 Eventually, he looked down toward the ground and sighed. He shrugged his shoulders and turned around and walked away toward the mountains behind the house.

 I felt a sudden sense of loneliness and grief as he walked away. I wished he would stay. I wanted him to protect me. I didn't know why I wanted him, a homeless man, to keep me safe, but I was desperate and hurt. My instincts seemed to have been leading me to these feelings. I usually wouldn't have cared if someone I didn't know walked away or if I got beat up or something, but after having my virginity stolen from me and being abused, my heart was broken and only wanted companionship and protection, even romance and embrace... which wasn't me at all... I am not good with relationships and never even had a boyfriend in high school.

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Later on that day...

 I hurried over to the police department and asked to report a rape. I sat down and wrote down everything that I could remember that happened that night. I described the rapist in detail so that he may be found and punished for what he did. After filing the report, the police told me to sit down with a sketch artist and describe what the guy looked like so that they would have a better chance to find whoever did this. They didn't give me much hope that they would catch him, but I felt better knowing they at least knew what had happened and to know I am not alone. 

At the end of the day this was the sketch the artist was able to come up with:

A man with dark skin, between the ages of 25 and 30, with long silver/black hair and brown eyes. He was about 200 pounds and 5'8". He had no abnormal tattoos or scars or birthmarks, so being able to identify him would be difficult, was what I was told. I really didn't care after that point. I was tired and ready to go home. I went to my parent's house for the evening, but I never told them what had happened. I wasn't ready to come out of denial just yet. But who could blame me?

I still blame myself... even if it's not my fault...

I just think that if I had waited just a few more days or even a week,

maybe I would have noticed the broken door lock or someone else would have bought that house...