MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY!
If you are not comfortable with this
material, please refrain from reading.
If you are a young reader, please
ask permission to read! Thank you!
This whole moment was a mistake, all my fault, I should have never rushed into a lifestyle without thinking over everything that could go right and go wrong. I regret having moved out of my home and moved into a house all alone. I felt like my decisions were irrational and irresponsible. I should have thought through my decisions more and at least offered my sister to stay with me as a roommate! Why did I get myself into this?
I was clonked on the head and fell unconscious, that's what I remembered before now. As I open my eyes, a set of hazel eyes were staring right into mine. A strong hand holds my hands above my head and force me against the soft mattress. I couldn't budge and I could feel his cool skin sweating against my bare body as he breathes into my face with a deep heavy sigh. I kept my eyes on his face as I try to figure out what he was intending to do. He was holding himself above me while he leaned closer to me. I felt a sharp jab stab me in my lower half and he slid toward me. I began to cry as he began move faster and leaned harder against my stomach. I prayed that he would stop and see what he was doing to me and how horrible it was, but that was just wishful thinking. He never took a moment to even breathe; I just had to lay there and take it...
He changed positions and pinned both my hands down with his fists. He was unusually gentle for someone of his type, creeps who take advantage of women, also know as rapists...
I couldn't believe that I was being raped. I tried to deny that fact, but it was useless. I felt like a piece of furniture, something that didn't have feelings and you could do whatever and it wouldn't matter. Tears streamed down my cheeks as he continued his business. All I could do was think about how empty he was making me feel. He never said a single word to me since he told me to shut up and that I was his.
Why was I his? I didn't even know him!
Why hadn't anyone come to save me yet?
Where was my knight in shining armor or rescue team?
Usually at this point, people would have come with the police and an ambulance to save me! This guy would have gone into police custody and been put into prison! Why couldn't my life be like those television shows?
As he finished with me, he took one more lunge forward and pulled himself off of me. He looked into my face and licked my cheek where the tears had fallen, then he whispered, "You taste so good, I am done here, but I might come back someday soon, just wait! I ain't done with you, dear."
He climbed off of me and grabbed his clothing. He yelled at me to get off the bed and he shoved me against the wall. I began to sob as he pushed me to the ground. I covered my head and crouched naked against the bare cold wall. I heard the man put the couch back together and the sliding glass door open. I stayed frozen in the corner of the room and waited until I heard his footsteps disappear. I did not dare move from that spot until the room was completely silent.
Eventually when the room was empty and no one was around, I uncovered my head and remained crouched in the corner on the floor, sobbing. I couldn't believe what had just happened. My head throbbed in pain and I couldn't get my tears to stop running down my face, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like I had lost everything in just a short time. I didn't know what to do.
Suddenly I heard a noise outside the window and as I turned my head to see, another man appeared to staring directly at me. My body stiffened with fear and I couldn't move.
He stared at me for a long while before he looked around and frowned. I thought he was another burglar, but after he just kept staring, I noticed he was dressed in dirt covered clothing, maybe a homeless man. I just assumed he had heard my screams from before and must have wandered over here. I didn't know what to do and just sat there. I wished that he was here before I got raped and that he could have saved me.
His gaze was filled with compassion and sadness. I couldn't figure out why he looked at me this way nor why he was still standing there...
Eventually, he looked down toward the ground and sighed. He shrugged his shoulders and turned around and walked away toward the mountains behind the house.
I felt a sudden sense of loneliness and grief as he walked away. I wished he would stay. I wanted him to protect me. I didn't know why I wanted him, a homeless man, to keep me safe, but I was desperate and hurt. My instincts seemed to have been leading me to these feelings. I usually wouldn't have cared if someone I didn't know walked away or if I got beat up or something, but after having my virginity stolen from me and being abused, my heart was broken and only wanted companionship and protection, even romance and embrace... which wasn't me at all... I am not good with relationships and never even had a boyfriend in high school.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later on that day...
I hurried over to the police department and asked to report a rape. I sat down and wrote down everything that I could remember that happened that night. I described the rapist in detail so that he may be found and punished for what he did. After filing the report, the police told me to sit down with a sketch artist and describe what the guy looked like so that they would have a better chance to find whoever did this. They didn't give me much hope that they would catch him, but I felt better knowing they at least knew what had happened and to know I am not alone.
At the end of the day this was the sketch the artist was able to come up with:
A man with dark skin, between the ages of 25 and 30, with long silver/black hair and brown eyes. He was about 200 pounds and 5'8". He had no abnormal tattoos or scars or birthmarks, so being able to identify him would be difficult, was what I was told. I really didn't care after that point. I was tired and ready to go home. I went to my parent's house for the evening, but I never told them what had happened. I wasn't ready to come out of denial just yet. But who could blame me?
I still blame myself... even if it's not my fault...
I just think that if I had waited just a few more days or even a week,
maybe I would have noticed the broken door lock or someone else would have bought that house...
No comments:
Post a Comment